


Death Becomes Them

by shaz1973



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Horror, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 18:20:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/738695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaz1973/pseuds/shaz1973
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Good planning is essential for (not) surviving the end of the world, and Kurt and Blaine have always been good at planning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Becomes Them

Title: Death becomes them.  
Rating: M  
Summary: Good planning is essential for (not) surviving the end of the world, and Kurt and Blaine have always been good at planning.  
Please note that I do not own any of the Glee Characters.  
Warning! This is a dark crackfic. There are zombies and evil plans afoot. Assume many character deaths.  
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Blaine thought he was past frustration by now.

I mean they were both DEAD for goodness sakes! You ate who you could catch these days. It’s not like the first few weeks of panic and feasting, and warm blood, flesh and brains for the taking.

But even dead, Kurt was still particular about what (who) he ate. 

Blaine had to admit though; Rachel’s vegan diet did make for good (loud) eating.

The stage makeup from the Funeral Parlour had been a brilliant idea, so had the formaldehyde actually. They had hardly begun to rot before they discovered that drinking it kept them fairly fresh, and stage makeup and air freshener covered up most of the rest. 

Enough to let them get close enough to fool the living for a bite anyway. Lucky that Kurt had been so fond of the Film “Death Becomes Her” when they were alive.

But still, fresh meat was becoming rarer, and the prospect of trying to catch rats, or squirrels was not that appealing.

Then came the windfall of all windfalls. 

The fenced in commune that read “Quite Waters”.

Kurt had a plan, and Blaine had to admit that, if they could pull it off, was sheer genius. 

A careful search of the nearby town found them a local non hippie funeral parlor.  
They drank all the formaldehyde they could find, broke into the stage makeup and carefully made themselves up to an “alive” standard. As an added touch they made sure to use sandalwood air freshener

The local thrift store had not been looted that much, so a suitable “Hippie-chic look” was easy. 

The hunting outlet had been looted of everything, except the tranquilizer guns and darts. 

_Excellent._   


The sex shop had been mostly ignored as well. All the better for the supplies they were after.

It all went off without a hitch. They walked up to the gate with a giant sign they read “HELP ALIVE”.

Once inside it was easy to quickly dart the larger commune members, and secure the rest with bondage gear. 

Blaine thought the fluffy pink cuffs were a nice touch.

Once the majority of livewalkers had been locked in the barn, they ate a whole one each (grain fed, yum). Then they took stock.

There were herds of both goats and sheep, kept for milk and wool mostly. 

They could continue to be used to help keep their livewalkers warm and fed, as well as the added bonus, of being quite acceptable eating while the next part of their plan was set in motion. 

The crops would still need to be tended, but they would work out a safe method of making their new livewalkers keep that up without escaping.

They needed to increase their livewalker population for their new farm to become viable, so they locked up the larder tightly, and set up some set up some traps. All it took was a pile of canned food, a sign that said “help yourself” and lying in wait with the trank gun.

Next they raided the library for books on both animal husbandry, and human midwifery.

It would be a lot of effort, but for an ongoing supply of good quality livewalkers, well, they were up to the challenge.


End file.
